Monoprinting with Gelli Plate

Some Palm Sunday weekend prints.  Can't wait to cut these up and embellish for greeting cards.  SO.  MUCH.  FUN.

Graduation Weekend for Andrew

So many thoughts bubbling up to the surface in contemplation of Son #1 graduating from high school this Sunday.  Of course pride in his accomplishing all that he did in a short 13 years of public school education.   His becoming the total person he is goes back even farther than that.  To the kind young lady who loved him so much while his mom and dad were at work and he was still a tiny little baby.  (Oh, those days when I would thumb through the baby picture book at the office and get that lump in my throat and tear in my eye and wonder if anyone could miss him more than me--and if it was fair to him for me and his dad to be working outside the home?  Such Big Doubts.)  And yes, even before that, wondering, while pregnant, if I would even like being a mom in the first place!  Something fundamental instantaneously changed in me the first time I saw that boy.  So tiny!  Such RED hair!  So very perfect--the "just right" kid for me.  How would I EVER know how to be his best mother?

Somehow, through finding the right daycare situation, many doubts, many worries, and much help, Dan and I managed to "bring up baby".  The infant who was so chubby as to be nicknamed "The Michelin Baby" grew up tall and strong.  I wished for a Nature Boy, and I got one.  One day after a long time being outside, I asked him what he had been doing.  It turned out that he build a hammock out of grapevines and then climbed in it and took a nap, under the sky and trees on a warm summer afternoon.  He retreats to the creek ("I'm just going down to the creek, Mom") just like I used to do when I would walk a block or two to the beach and just sit there or walk and think.  It was like going to "the Real Church" for me and I might guess the same is true for him.  

I remember a pile of paper destined for the recycling bin that was brought home from the office for the boys to use to color on--and then they were turned into architectural wonders with an assist of miles of tape and a few hundred staples.  That phase lasted a couple of years....and while I worried over the "wasted" papers, staples and tape, I knew that he was being creative and developing "fine motor skills" so I just watched in awe as a small city took shape.  Over and over again.

It seemed as if he had barely learned to read before he and his friends discovered Harry Potter, then the Redwall series.  He gave up on HP when it turned darker, but he lusted for more of Brian Jacques and could never get enough.  (We mourned his passing last year.)  I shared my favorites with him as he got older: Peter Mathiason, Jon Krakauer, Anais Nin, Steinbeck, Twain.  Some stuck, some did not.  One of my favorite "Mama Moments" is wondering where my kid is, only to find him lost in the pages of a book.

How my husband's personality came, almost directly, barely skewed at all, out of my body, in the form of a new person, is something that astonishes me.  Yet there it is in Andrew.  He has that tender heart, but it doesn't often show.  Unless you are a pet.  Or an elderly person.  He mumbles down (just like his dad) and wonders what is wrong with my hearing.  He looks through the fluff to the core of the situation and finds the most direct solution to any problem.  He can take things apart, and even more importantly, he can put them back together.  He is blessed with a quick mind and cursed with (uh oh, something he got from me) a dry sarcastic sense of humor. He doesn't suffer fools or complainers.  He is a hard worker and catches on quickly, but woe to the boss who does not keep him busy!  (I declined to employ him this summer...let someone ELSE keep that boy working!)  He has also sucked some home-repair skills out of his dad: wiring, dry-wall, painting, laying down flooring.  While I'm fairly certain he can change a lightbulb, it sometimes takes him weeks to make it happen.  Not sure why.  He can speak Geek.  ('Not positive about this, but he may have gone all the way through Geek III before he graduated!)  He has told me that he likes planning big projects, then executing them.  Once they are completed, he really doesn't enjoy the end result as much as the planning and the doing....so would this make him a good PROCESS engineer?  Is there such a thing?  He planned the total reorganization of our home, and Eagle Scout project and a Man Cave in the basement....now he can organize his LIFE....

What I worry about:  Of course a mother worries over the health of her kids.  17 stitches to close various softball facial lacerations in an 11 year old kid and he never complained.  A broken ankle in a sledding mishap on a tree-packed hillside?  Just crawl back up, on hands and knees.  No problem.  Four years in braces--those socially critical four high school years?  No problem there either.  So, I guess I really do need to find something else to worry over.  It really comes down to what I told the priest when we had the "baptism meeting" back in early 1994.  My biggest concern for my kids was honestly, truly that they not be lazy.  I have seen what guts and determination (after all, I was raised by a first generation Finnish-American mother who taught me all about "SISU") can do for any given average person.  My biggest concern is that my kids might not be willing to work, really work, for what they want to accomplish.  There was a lot of "push from behind" to accomplish that Eagle Scout award.  Not so much to study those calculus homework problems.  The thing is: I've never observed Andrew having to work very hard for his grades.  Being a relatively smart kid, he would study what he needed to, no more, and it was generally just fine.  I worry over him getting caught unaware of just how demanding his college courses can be.  But then again, I want him to be challenged so that he gets really excited about learning something new.  I want him to catch intellectual fire and be consumed with learning something that really "hits" him in both his heart and head.  That is the very best.  Worth every last nickel of that college tuition!

The other thing I worry about?  That he really has no understanding of just how much his younger brother looks up to him and admires him--and thinks he can do ANYthing.  What a gift Matt is to Andrew!!

What the Kid #1 will never truly understand is just how special his mother thinks he is as well.  I don't just THINK he can do whatever he sets his mind to, I KNOW it with every fiber of who I am.  The ONLY thing that could hold him back is his not being willing to work, REALLY WORK, the unrelentingly, turning-off-the-XBox, ignore text messages, take-only-potty-breaks and eat-while-working, THAT kind of hard-but-exciting-sometimes-drudge WORK.  He has to figure out who he wants to be (he may be mostly there already one that one) and what he wants to accomplish in this lifetime and then just be willing to do what it takes to accomplish that.

I am in awe of my kids.  I worked so hard when I was their age and didn't have nearly as many activities (and certainly not any of the myriad distractions they have!) and wasn't able to be as talented and accomplished as them at any of the things they are doing--and they are involved in far more than their mom or dad were!  I have no idea how they manage it all!  (Oh.  Wait.  Yes I do.  Dan and I do what WE can too, to support them--but still the work comes from their desire.)  Lots of Leroy parent carpools, scout leaders, wonderful dear friends (especially the ones who would tell me "you need to relax"!!), teachers, Laurel & crew at Forever Young, coaches, directors,  good neighbors, supportive and inspiring church family, those bus drivers (yes, the good ones, of course.  And the ones who the kids sorta had to watch out for as well!), those first two years at Leroy School....so much coordinated effort goes into getting Andrew to this point.  I could not have gotten him here by myself alone--and you know what?--I don't think that it was possible for him to become himself with "just" Dan and me, even together.  It truly DOES take an entire village.  And therein really does lie the richness of our intertwined lives.

While I will admit to being a bit choked up in looking forward to graduation on Sunday, there is such a big piece of "Mama Ego Moment" tied up with Kid #1 and this stepping stone, so I will sit with pride and beam out my heart to him.  "Let the wild rumpus begin..."

dull winter sky

Photo taken and edited on my iPhone

Health food....

What IS it about dark chocolate with raspberry filling? Or dark chocolate with orange or orange liqueur filling? Mmmmmmm..... A fine reward for making it through Monday.

....on second thought....

After church yesterday, we were able to eat out at Damon's Grill--and watch several sporting events simultaneously. Then we went over to Giant Eagle to do our weekly marketing, like we do most Saturdays. However, even though it says OPEN 24 HOURS, we found that only applied to days when it's not a holiday. We got there an hour too late to do our shopping.

Some observations: while at Damon's I ordered a "chop salad, chopped fine". I had their chop salad once before and it was served as some items chopped up on top of a normal dinner salad, whose greens were not chopped any differently than any other salad. This would not be a big deal if I had never had a REAL chopped salad. I wouldn't have known the difference. This would not have been a big deal if I had not ordered it "chopped fine". The photo in the menu showed the chopped salad and, by golly, every bit of it was chopped fine in the photo. I asked the waitress if I had been served the CHOPPED salad and she said that was the way they made it. I told her it wasn't really chopped fine but her reply was "that's the way WE do it". Ok. Fair enough. I didn't want to argue with her, I just wanted my salad the way I had ordered it. Had I been her, I would have gladly returned it to the kitchen and chopped up the lettuce myself. The lesson here: LISTEN to my patients and try to provide them what THEY want (as long as it will be in their interest to do so!).

Since Giant Eagle was closed, I got to get groceries today. I went to another Giant Eagle, conveniently located near where I had other errands to run. Since I was flying solo, I decided to go to a checkstand with a clerk. I wondered where s/he was because I had 75% of the cart unloaded before they even showed up in the lane! Then she wouldn't begin to scan the items until I showed her my GE card....which she could have scanned at any point in the transaction. (Minus efficiency points). I'm a very bad customer because I used to be a very efficient checker in Alberston's in Irvine. I had grouped all the cold things together on the belt and asked her to keep them together. She was FAST! Then I looked at the end of the lane and saw that she wasn't bagging the groceries. I got the cart unloaded and zipped to the end of the checkstand and started bagging. Wouldn't you know it? She was mixing all the things together so that I had to wait for a cold item to fill out a partial bag before I could start the next bag. She then bagged the OJ--a cold item--all by itself. It was the only thing she put in a bag for the entire order. I was furious with her for her laziness and inefficiency. But on the way home, I had a second thought. (I tend to mull these incidents over because I see no excuse for not doing the job RIGHT--and to have the customer doing your job because you are inefficient is not right either). Since she was so inattentive and had not been in her checkstand when I got there, maybe she was having a problem that day. Maybe I made it worse for her. She never even said a word when she put my register tape down--not THANK YOU, not HAVE A GOOD ONE!, nothing. Maybe I was making HER day worse for her. On second thought, I could have been a better customer. Good thing to think about as I head into the new year. Some days it's just not all about me....

When I got home from "putting away Christmas" at the office this evening, there were only four more cupcakes left from the batch made yesterday afternoon. I guess the boys (who were at home, "putting away Christmas" here) got hungry! I will miss those bright red Waechtersbach Christmas tree plates and mugs. And the little white lights. *s i g h*

While making the cupcakes that Andrew had requested this weekend, I was struck by how many different browns there are in brown eggs. I think the shells are simple and striking "nested" (argh) together like this. As an aside, these are eggs that one of my patients delivers to my office for me and my staff. It's bad when I run out of the homegrown eggs and have to settle for the pale yokes of the Giant Eagle store-brand eggs....

So, now that my second post is in, I must remember that first photo is published at the bottom. That will help me with the chronology in future posts....

....and, so it begins.

Inspired by a holiday letter (received 6 days after said holiday, but oh, so worth the wait!), I decided to blog my life.

And, so it begins.

I expect that Chaos Maven will be a bit like a good bowl of chili: bits of this, a can of that, a sprinkle of something else, topped off with just the right amount of shreds or a dollop. With not a small touch of visual.

Art, thoughts, my boys, my retreat, just me and my stuff.

I'm on my rainy day way.